Lavender Festival Cherry Valley CA June 2006

Lavender Festival Cherry Valley CA June 2006
Originally uploaded by carignan.

Britty, Debbie and I went to the Lavendar festival today at the Highland Springs Resort in Cherry Valley about 5 minutes away from our house. It was free so it was cool with me.

Friday

I haven't been sleeping well these last few days. I'm still beating myself up about all that has happened this week. I know it's not something I can change and that I need to accept all that occurred. It's just not that easy for me. I really need to get over this and move on, but letting go has never been one of my strong points. I think Debbie, Britty and I are going to go to the movies tonight and just try to escape. I want to forget about this for awhile, even if just for a few hours. I'm still angry at that judge and sad at the death of my dog, Chili. I just can't seem to shake that feeling of deep loss, both for Chili and the opportunity of being a father. I know, I'll get another chance with the kids, and I still have Coco and Candy, so I just need some time to distance myself from these events. Saturday will be another day.

I went to a Kidney class today at Kaiser Hospital in Riverside, CA. for some info on how to better take care of myself. They talked about medication, diet, exercise and stress. How it all effects Kidneys. I came away with alot of good information about RPK and how to take care of myself.

Just getting it together.

For the most part I don't feel as bad as I did yesterday. I guess I'm getting used to the fact that Chili is gone and isn't going to be there for me. Candy isn't too concerned with the whole thing, it's always just been about her. Coco had a tough time the first two days, but he's doing okay today, he and Chili came from the same litter. Neither dog pays much attention to me, which is difficult but, I guess that's the way it is. I was really looking foreword to today since I thought we'd have Amber and Jacob as part of our family, but the judge wanted to give the mother another chance. I guess it just wasn't in the plans. I'll get over this, and have another chance. Tomorrow is a new day. I'm going to my AA meeting tonight and that should help. Friday, I have a kidney class to go to and maybe go out to the movies and dinner with Debbie and Britty. It'll be nice to get out of the house.

Bad week

Today I thought we'd being talking about picking up our adopted children. But, I'm having a bad week. The judge ruled that the mother gets another chance. Atleast I get another chance in the morning to have a better day. I just really feel upset about the whole thing so far.

Chili

My little dog, Chili has been sick for awhile now and I took him to the Vet today. It looks like Liver failure and he might not make it. He's been with me since he was a puppy. He's helped me get through some of the worst times in my life, just by being there with a lick and a wag of his stubby little tail. I'm going to miss him so much. I also knew that as he got older that he'd pass but now that it's here I can't stand the pain. It's Tuesday mornng and I just got back from putting Chili down. I was with him until the end. I just feel so alone without my little friend. No matter how bad I felt he's always be there and now that's gone I gone I feel so alone. I know my other two Min Pins are here but they just aren't mine like Chili was. I fely like I had no other choice but to put him down. He was never going to be the dog that he'd once been even if they'd managed to save him this time. It just wouldn't have been right.

Sick

I was sick and in bad all day yesterday. I haven't been sick for years. I certainly didn't remember it being that bad. All I could do is just lay in bed and hope I didn't throw up on myself.