I’ve been depressed for so long it’s as if I’ve forgotten how to have fun and laugh. It’s not that people haven’t seen me laugh lately, but it’s always a mask concealing how sad I really feel. With all that is going on in my life this and other things have made is very hard to feel very good about myself and feel very vauable or loved. I know that’s not the case, but I have the feeling. Sometimes I try to buy happiness other times it’s more difficult and I just retreat into myself. I didn’t want to take medication for this and fought about it for a few years but finally gave up and take them now. It doesn’t seem to either help or not help, I really don’t know if it would be worse without them or even if they work for me. I just take them every day. I withdraw from friends sometime because it’s hard to always pretend. On a positive note this depression has been getting better, maybe it is because Summer is coming. I really don’t like work because I feel like a failure.
Saturday, April 13, 2019
The Black Dog has been bothering me lately
“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”
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Book Goal for the year
I am well ahead of my reading goal of 52 books for the year. I sure would have liked to go to the L.A. Time Festival of Books, but parental duties call and maybe next year. I read mostly SciFi and Fantasy. I've read 21 books so far, about 7 books ahead of schedule. I am a member of Goodreads and the Sword and Laser book club.
“The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.”
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“The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.”
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Friday, April 12, 2019
Another day
It was an interesting day at school. Today we had the Riverside Area Rape Crisis speaker come to my classroom and give a talk about sexual harassment to the kids in all of my classes. it was a very informative presentation of a very important subject that I think went over most of the boys head, the girls seemed to understand. Other than that it was a pretty uneventful day, somethings have been bothering me lately and I really wonder what my future will hold. I really worry too much about things I don't have much control over. I think I am alot like my mother that way. I see alot of both my father and mother in me. Good and bad, but overall I think I am a good person but not without some faults. I also have a hard time forgiving myself for the mistakes I've made in my life. I sometimes thing of myself as a failure and that isn't true. Enough of this I need to get to bed and get some sleep i have an early day ahead of me.
Thursday, April 11, 2019
Wednesday, April 10, 2019
Words to live by
"The essence of all growth is a willingness to change for the better and then an unremitting willingness to shoulder whatever responsibility this entails."
AS Bill SEES IT, Page 115
Monday, April 08, 2019
First day back after Spring Break
It was the first day back after two weeks off. The kids were very talkative and it really bothers me that they are so distracted from their work. I just don't think they understand the importance of getting a good education and not letting things slip away. It's hard work to build good study habits and excel in school. Even my own kids struggle with that and they both know that not getting good grades is not an option. I joke with them that they must get a Master's degree before they can get into a relationship and I am only having joking. With everything changing so rapidly in the world knowing how to solve problems in a variety of ways, I believe is going to be the key to success and an education can help you to learn that.
Sunday, April 07, 2019
Amber giving it 110% effort
She sticks her tough out when she is concentrating very hard. This morning she was working on her iPad, editing video.
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