Depression

Why do I suffer from this and why can't I stay happy for periods longer than a few weeks.  It just started today and I am going to try and fight it.  Being BiPolar is not fun and no I just can't get over it.  It is one of the worst things that has ever happened to me.  I really hope that I am not heading down, I've felt pretty good the last few weeks and have been happy with my feelings. Maybe the "BlackDog" is here for awhile.  

On turning adversity into advantage:

On the occasion of every accident (event) that befalls you, remember to turn to yourself and inquire what power you have for turning it to use… If it be abusive words, you will find it to be patience. And if you have been thus formed to the (proper) habit, the appearances will not carry you along with them.
- Epictetus, Enchiridion

Contentment

“It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”
― Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

If this is true, I really need to change my thought process.  I am fine with the material things I have, but not with myself as a person.  I always feel that I don't measure up.  Maybe it's just unrealistic standards, or just a general lack of the stuff that brings happiness.  I don't know.  I just someday want to content with who I am.   

I've forgotten how to laugh and have fun.

I’ve been depressed for so long it’s as if I’ve forgotten how to have fun and laugh.  It’s not that people haven’t seen me laugh lately, but it’s always a mask concealing how sad I really feel.  With all that is going on in my life this and other things have made is very hard to feel very good about myself and feel very vauable or loved.  I know that’s not the case, but I have the feeling.  Sometimes I try to buy happiness other times it’s more difficult and I just retreat into myself.  I didn’t want to take medication for this and fought about it for a few years but finally gave up and take them now.  It doesn’t seem to either help or not help, I really don’t know if it would be worse without them or even if they work for me.  I just take them every day.  I withdraw from friends sometime because it’s hard to always pretend.  On a positive note this depression has been getting better, maybe it is because Summer is coming. I really don’t like work because I feel like a failure.