I’ve been depressed for so long it’s as if I’ve forgotten how to have fun and laugh. It’s not that people haven’t seen me laugh lately, but it’s always a mask concealing how sad I really feel. With all that is going on in my life this and other things have made is very hard to feel very good about myself and feel very vauable or loved. I know that’s not the case, but I have the feeling. Sometimes I try to buy happiness other times it’s more difficult and I just retreat into myself. I didn’t want to take medication for this and fought about it for a few years but finally gave up and take them now. It doesn’t seem to either help or not help, I really don’t know if it would be worse without them or even if they work for me. I just take them every day. I withdraw from friends sometime because it’s hard to always pretend. On a positive note this depression has been getting better, maybe it is because Summer is coming. I really don’t like work because I feel like a failure.